Nothing is the Same Anymore
by Alabaster86
Summary: Sometimes getting away is the only way to heal. Zuko makes a huge decision.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: If you know nothing of Zuko's place in 'The Legend of Korra' and don't want to be spoiled, read no further.

This piece comes from the idea that Zuko gives up his throne at age 84 and becomes an ambassador _because _of Mai's death. Once again I'm using the 'Two No More', 'Expansion' children.

Seems I'm in writing frenzy mode everyone. Nothing can stop me….well…

**Nothing is the Same Anymore**

Zuko was eighty four years old and he was alone. Death was inevitable, part of life. It made all people equal. Yet when it took someone that you loved more than words could ever express, when it took your life partner, your lover, the mother of your children, your best friend, none of those truths made a damn bit of difference.

Mai had lived a full life, a happy one for the most part. She left behind children and grandchildren, even great grandchildren, and a niece and a nephew, all of whom loved her dearly. They may not have always gotten along, but the love was there beneath any anger or disappointment. And what was life without some bumps in the road?

He missed her so much that he physically ached. Waking up in their bed alone every morning was fresh agony. The lingering scent of her perfume made Zuko catch his breath and his eyes fill with tears. The palace was full of special spots, rooms the pair had loved, private places they had _made_ love or just escaped to when things got too much. The palace was their home but now, without Mai, the palace felt more like a mournful reminder of all he had lost.

* * *

All three of his children, Ryuhito, Miyako and Kaminari, grief still etched into their features, gathered about Zuko.

"It sounded important, Dad," Kaminari began. She referred to the messages he had sent each of them.

"Yes," the old Fire Lord agreed. "I've made a decision."

The three exchanged glances, guessing what that decision was. But they let their father take his time, allowed him the space to gather his words.

"I'm leaving." The declaration was simple and direct.

"What do you mean exactly?" Miyako inched closer to her father and looked deep into his eyes. "Where are you going?"

"You'll be Fire Lord now, Miya. It's time. I don't want to be here anymore. Can you understand?" His children, all in their early sixties, nodded. "Your mother is everywhere. Some might take comfort in that and maybe one day I will. But right now, I just want to get away. I'll travel, maybe be an ambassador of sorts, for the peace that Aang and I helped to forge." He paused then and drank in his children, the three people that he and Mai had created together. He could see her in each of them. It made him proud and made him yearn for his wife. "I'll make things official, and the Fire Sages will crown you as soon as possible, Miya."

"I'm ready, Dad. I've learned so much from you and I promise to uphold the values that you stand for." Tears stood in the soon to be Fire Lord's eyes. Her emotions were all over the place. She missed her mother, dead only a few months, and she would miss her father. But the prospect of ruling her beloved nation thrilled her. She longed for the challenge and the responsibility. It was a long time coming.

"I know that you are. You'll do a fine job. I'm not worried, Miyako." He released a sigh and stared about the room. It had been one of Mai's favorites, a cozy room for reading or just sitting with a cup of tea, watching children or grandchildren or great grandchildren play. He and Mai had dreamed and planned in the room, almost as much as they had dreamed and planned while in their bed, calm and relaxed after making love. He smiled at the thought. There had been so much lovemaking, and somehow it had never gotten old or stale.

"We'll worry about you, Dad. Are you sure that you'll be all right? Where will you go? What if you need us?" Miyako touched her father's arm, a brief, gentle touch, but it was enough to convey her love and concern.

"You don't need to worry. I've got friends all over the world. I plan to travel just about everywhere. It might be my last chance to see all the nations again and visit some favorite spots, spots your mother and I enjoyed together. And I'm still going strong." As if to prove his point, Zuko stood up, assumed a bending stance, and made a powerful flame. He shot them a grin then. "Your old dad still has it."

"Will you keep in touch at least?" his youngest, Kaminari, asked.

"Of course; and maybe we can meet up here and there, everyone else too. I'm not leaving because I want to get away from any of you. I love you all, each and every one of you. I just need to," his eyes filled with tears and unashamed he let them fall, "to come to terms with your mother's passing. And being here is simply too hard for me right now. Please understand."

Ryuhito's voice was strong and reassuring. "We do understand, Dad. Do what you need to do. You've always been here for us. Take care of _yourself_ now."

"I'll leave as soon as Miyako is crowned," Zuko replied with a nod. "I'll begin my goodbyes tomorrow."

* * *

He watched from the bridge of the luxurious air ship as the Fire Nation palace and then Capitol City and then the Fire Nation itself faded from view. Zuko suddenly felt very old and very lonely and very alone. But it was the best thing to do. He knew that in his heart. With Mai's essence all around him, he would never be able to fully work through his grief. It wasn't that he wanted to forget her. No, he had so many treasured memories and they gave him great comfort. Zuko simply needed some distance and lots of time. Once the worst of the pain was over, he could embrace all the marks she had left in their home once again.

"I'm grateful that you didn't have to suffer this, Mai, but part of me still wishes that I had gone first. Life without you is…." He fumbled for the best words. "Life without you is so much emptier." Zuko wiped at his eyes and then watched the sea below churn. In his hand was one of Mai's blades, the only reminder of her he had brought along. Its weight was a comfort and he turned it back and forth, back and forth. A storm was on its way, violent and cleansing. The former Fire Lord could smell it in the air and he looked forward to it.

* * *

A/N: Thank you Ix for suggesting that Zuko carry one of Mai's blades with him. Of course he would...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Had the idea that Katara might be able to help Zuko with his grief and that he would go to her first on his travels. No, this is not old people Zutara. ;-)**

**Nothing is the Same Anymore**

_**Part 2: New Grief, Old Grief**_

Even though he was safely inside the airship, Zuko shivered. The sight of the barren lands below, all that ice and all that frigid water, the strong winds howling across the flatness, picking up little bits of snow and making them fly, sent cold right into his bones. He shivered again. The former Fire Lord's internal fire was not as strong as it once was. Getting older affected everything, it seemed. There really was no escaping the ravages of old age.

"Unless you die young," he mused morbidly.

Zuko was exceedingly glad he had not. His life with Mai had been a wonderful one. They'd had their problems like any couple, but worked through them, or fought through them. Those difficult times made them appreciate the great ones that much more. Together they had raised three children. Together they had looked out for their nation. And together they had grown and matured and learned to feel comfortable in their own skins.

Now they did nothing together.

"I miss you, Mai."

He heaved a sigh and wrapped his arms around his body, hugging himself both for comfort and for warmth.

"Are you all right, my lord?" the captain asked. "Would you like some tea? I can have…"

Zuko waved the question away before the man could finish. "We'll be landing soon, won't we?"

"Yes, in an hour or so."

"Good; I'll wait in my room. "

The eighty four year old walked off the bridge and straight along a corridor, opened a door and stepped inside. He sat down slowly in a comfortably cushioned chair, stretched a bit and promptly fell asleep. He had been doing a lot of that since Mai had died; sleeping. It was an escape when there were no dreams. And when the dreams were of his wife, beautiful dreams which seemed vibrantly real, sleep was like salvation. Waking up again, harsh reality slamming him full force, sending him downward in a terrible spiral, that was true pain. But the trade-off was worth it for Zuko. So he answered sleep when it called to him.

OOOOOoooooOOOOO

Someone was shaking him awake. Zuko shrugged the hand away angrily and screwed his eyes shut. He resembled a petulant little boy….with grey hair and wrinkles…..but a petulant little boy nonetheless.

"But we've arrived, my lord. There are people waiting for you."

"Mai…." Zuko whispered before opening his eyes and staring blearily at the captain. "My parka; where did I leave it?"

"I have it right here." The middle –aged man gave Zuko a placating sort of smile and handed over the blue, fur lined coat, made by the Southern Water Tribe people and the only thing that really kept anyone warm when they visited.

Zuko tugged on the parka and pulled up its hood. "Thank you. Put down the ramp. I'm ready to go."

Minutes later, he walked across ice and snow towards Katara, the only other living member of their little group of friends and family. He needed her now. She would understand his grief and loneliness and despair. Aang had been gone for years already, succumbing far sooner than seemed fair, but the master waterbender still missed him.

"Zuko." She opened her arms and he fell into her embrace. Letting go, he wept.

They hadn't seen each other since Mai's funeral and on that day, he wanted no words or gestures of comfort from anyone. Zuko had wanted only to curl up into a tight ball, make himself as small as possible, in the hopes that he might actually vanish. But now, he was willing and able to talk about his loss.

"I'm sorry," he snuffled.

"Don't be." Katara shook her grey head. "Come along inside. It's warm and there's plenty of food. And Korra would love to see you again."

"Does she make you miss Aang even more?" Zuko asked.

"Yes and no; it's sort of complicated." She chuckled, her voice raspy with age. "But she's a good girl, if a bit, well, impulsive, over confident and brash. She's got the bending to back it up too. Still, Korra has a lot to learn."

They walked along in silence for awhile. "I couldn't stay in the palace. Mai is everywhere I turn. It hurts too much right now."

Katara nodded her understanding. "Do you dream of her? I dreamed of Aang a lot."

"Yes, and the dreams are like being with Mai again. They're wonderful. And then I wake up." He rubbed at the tears, already freezing on his cheeks.

"I'm not going to sugar coat things for you, Zuko." Katara laughed, thinking of Toph and the nickname 'Sugar Queen' she had dubbed Katara with. "It might get worse before it gets better. But eventually, you'll come to a place of peace." She smiled and pictured Aang, their children and the growing compliment of grandchildren she enjoyed. "Life will be good again, but it will never be the same." The waterbender paused, giving Zuko time to absorb her words. "Let's get you some hot tea."

Living in the cold was natural for Katara. She loved it, though had certainly grown fond of other climates too. But it was in the Southern Water Tribe, her birthplace, where she would always feel most at ease. _She _was the matriarch now, like Gran-Gran, long gone, had once been. Her blue eyes and her huge heart, full of compassion, kept watch over everyone; she taught and she healed and she told tales of her and her brother and Aang and their friends. The supply was seemingly endless. They had enjoyed many adventures and _not_ enjoyed a few others. But their lives had been good ones. Katara was content and when her time _did_ come, she would not fight it.

* * *

The tea was suitably hot and passably good. Nothing would ever equal Iroh's. But Zuko sipped politely, hands wrapped tightly around the cup.

"Thank you," he stated. "Tell me about your family, Katara. How is everyone doing? And where is that young Avatar?"

"Hahn*, go fetch Korra. And don't let her intimidate you. She might be powerful, but I can still teach her a lesson or two. You just remind her of that if she gives you any trouble." She smiled and then turned to Zuko. "The girl has a mind of her own, that's for sure. Now," she mused, rubbing gnarled hands together, "I'll start with Bumi."

They exchanged details about children and grandchildren, each listening carefully to the other.

"How do you think Miyako will handle being Fire Lord?" Katara asked.

"I know she'll do just fine," he replied confidently. "She wants it more than the others. In fact, the others don't want it at all. They would take over should they have to, but that's it. No, Miya's cut out for the position. I'm proud already."

Katara's eyes, still bright and full of life, sparkled. "So you should be. You and Mai raised a fine family."

"Yeah, who would have thought," Zuko mused, thinking back to those days of his banishment, days when he could not see beyond his own nose and when considering the feeling's of others was hardly his priority. But, he had grown up. They all had.

As they sat quietly contemplating life, Korra burst into Katara's home, came to a skidding stop beside the table and grinned infectiously. "Hey," she said with a wave. "It's nice to see you again, Fire Lord Zuko. Maybe you can show me a few firebending tips later. Could you? Could you? That would be so cool."

"Korra, where are your manners?" the waterbender chastised the fourteen year old.

"Sorry." She looked momentarily downcast.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, Korra. I think that I could show you a few things. Katara says that you're a very strong bender." Zuko gave the girl an encouraging smile. "I would enjoy seeing you in action."

The young Avatar forcibly restrained herself, gave Zuko a bow and expressed her appreciation politely. "I'm sorry for your loss," she added. "Lady Mai was a great woman." The girl hadn't known Mai, but had heard enough stories to make a judgment.

"She was," Zuko agreed, "and I miss her more than I can say. You would have amused her. Thank you, Korra."

"Run along, girl; Zuko and I have some more talking to do. He's spending the night. Why don't you show him what you can do tomorrow?"

"Yes, Sifu Katara." Korra slipped quietly out of the house.

The two old people laughed, recalling their own youths, those days of impetuousness and fire. They seemed so far away and at the same time the memories were right there, ready to grasp, easily triggered by a sight or a sound.

"Ah, youth," the master waterbender exclaimed.

"She keeps_ you_ young."

"And she tires me out."

They sat quietly, sipping their tea. Zuko glanced about his friend's home. There were few signs that Aang had ever lived there. Actually, the couple had split their time between the Southern Air Temple and the South Pole. Aang's staff hung on the wall, though, proudly displayed. Katara hadn't wanted to relinquish that.

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing, leaving the palace, stepping down? It _felt_ right, Katara."

"Some time away will do you good. What are your plans exactly?" She put a gentle hand on his arm and marveled that once, years and years ago, he had been her enemy.

"I was thinking," he began, "that maybe I could act as an ambassador for world balance and peace, unofficially." Zuko couldn't help but remember his Uncle Iroh, a man of great wisdom and compassion, a man Zuko had loved completely. He had done much the same thing, in his own way, while accompanying Zuko on his banishment. "I think that Iroh and Mai would both be pleased." He caressed Mai's blade, hidden in his robes. The handle had molded itself to her fingers and it almost felt like touching her.

"Aang would love that idea too." Katara beamed. She glanced at the glider. "Where are you off to next?"

"Well, Kyoshi Island is fairly close. Perhaps I'll stop there for awhile." He closed his eyes for a moment and that urge to rest hit him again.

"I slept a lot after Aang passed. Come on. Let me take you to your room."

She rubbed at her hip and grimaced as she stood up. Zuko followed along obediently, anticipating the warmth and comfort of all those furs.

"Thank you," he stated simply when Katara turned to go. "I…." Pain flashed in his eyes and he blinked back those damnable tears.

"I know. It will get better," she repeated. "Until then, you just have to work through it. There's no magic, Zuko. Go on now, get some sleep."

The waterbender was just as motherly as she had always been. But now the firebender appreciated that part of her nature. Katara shut the door and Zuko lay down. The bed was as comfortable and cozy as he had imagined. Soon sleep and Mai claimed him once again.

*couldn't resist using the name Hahn...everyone's favorite ass.


End file.
